Save the drama for your momma

“…My real problem lies with that fact that he would intentionally and with such malice disrespect me. We’re teammates. We laugh, we joke, but at the end of the day we respect one another…”

When I started training the amount of drama ‘on the mat’ surprised me. Frankly it was hard to sift through all the b.s. and distinguish between who had a baby by who, those two guys ran a train on such and such, oh that person always gets staph, this person thinks he know’s it all, can’t forget that guy is or was or could be the team drug dealer, everyone thinks that this person is gay…blah blah blah.  A few of the guys ran their mouths like a bunch of girls.  I couldn’t imagine how I would ever get mixed up in all the drama that happened outside or even inside the gym. Until this past weekend.

I get along with most everyone and of course I have my unfavored few but I’ve never experienced anything extreme enough to really make my blood boil until one of the guys that has recently started  training again decided to make a very dumb and disrespectful comment at a (what was up until that point a very fun) social gathering last saturday.  Now, he’s the type of person that wears the flamboyant gi, makes the unnecessary jokes, and oftentimes sets himself up to be made fun of and I put up with it. When I first met him I was oddly enough the person defending him while others insisted on making fun of him or talking about him behind his back.

The situation itself erupted from a night filled with horseplay and distasteful race, sexist, and other  jokes back and forth.  I’m used to it so as irritating as it was I put up with it, but towards the end he decided to throw in a few disrespectful Bitch’s which was simply the icing on the cake.  Before I could respond my boyfriend, his friend, asked him to apologize and like the pompous jerk he is, he refused and responded with a few more Bitch’s. As much as I appreciated him sticking up for me, I’m not the type of person that would encourage him to go against his ‘friend’, however his friend was being a complete ass.   My real problem lies with that fact that he would intentionally and with such malice disrespect me. We’re teammates. We laugh, we joke, but at the end of the day we respect one another.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a thousands times, guys are just as, if not more dramatic than girls.

When I had walked away from the dispute he was still the loud one carrying on like a small child. When I tried to reason with him he sounded like a broken record trying to justify himself. Even the next day when I had figured the situation rested between me, him, and my boyfriend who is also his training partner. I got on Facebook to discover the female-esque whiny crybaby statuses about comradeship….bros before hoes…and about how girls were drama…hmmm…if i didn’t know any better I’d say that’s pretty damn dramatic…but afterall I am only a woman and all I’m good for apparently is starting drama so what would I know.

Needless to say, as I observed how the incident escalated and watched how it travelled through the grapevines, I made the conscious decision to take off from a few classes. When it comes to issues of respect I don’t forget overnight and that urge to punch him square in his face will linger for quite sometime. I train to deal with my stress, so now when unnecessary stress presents itself in the gym I don’t go entertaining it. As much as I love brazilian jiu-jitsu, training, and most importantly the people I train with, all the crap I’ve had to put up with is finally starting to wear on me. From day one I’ve encountered all kinds of things more positive than bad, but still at the end of the day it adds up. Last sunday one of the guys jokingly said that I was sensitive and that’s not the case. It’s not that I’m sensitive or uptight it’s just that the distasteful jokes, the pervs contacting me on facebook, the newbs injuring me, the ignorant jerks that think I’m there for shits and giggles, the dumbasses that feel that cheering “bros before hoes” is just, even when I’m the one being disrespected, that’s not teamwork.

When I initially started training I felt like I had become apart of another family.  I don’t deserve half the crap I’ve encountered while training, and granted I’m not trying to cast a bad shadow upon the school on account of the few buttholes that have rubbed me the wrong way…it’s all come down to the fact that all I demand is respect and if situations like the one this past weekend keep happening I can’t train with those types of people. All jokes aside I simply don’t deserve that.

4 Responses to “Save the drama for your momma”
  1. donnie says:

    this is awesome man

  2. slideyfoot says:

    Sorry to hear you had some trouble with classmates: its unfortunate when that kind of thing crops up in training. I’m not sure if this helps, but there is a supportive community of female BJJ bloggers out there who have also had to put up with drama in class. E.g., BJJ Grrl and Savage Kitsune. Not the same situation as you’ve mentioned, but might be worth a read. Also, Julia has a great post on what she expects from a good school, which is well worth reading too.

    • shakiaharris says:

      thanks, i’ll definetly check it out. I’ve been working on not letting one sour apple ruin my training and it’s working. There are still moments in the back of my head when I want to belt “Stop being an idiot,” but that’s not the time nor place. I’ve also heard through the grapevine that word’s spread & he’s read my blog as well. Everyone kept asking, “how do you feel?” and i’m glad he’s read it. I’d happily print it out & post it on the bulletin board but that would be dramatic lol i haven’t had too many problems since, hopefully none of the guys cross that partcular line in the future.

  3. ar says:

    boom chica wowow

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