“There will be no crying on the mat…”

Kessinger performing the takedown on Scott--Photo By: Jessica Seifert

 I woke up this morning stiff, bruised, and downright exhausted.  I’m still mentally beat up from last night but another day another dollar (right? lol). In light of last nights events I will be doing some solo yoga this morning.  Oh but here’s a brief recap of the events that started out great…just as they always do and then took that unfortunate shift to the other side……  

Soulath & Dave---Photo By: Jessica Seifert

“…I’ve read a lot of blogs and I can finally relate to the fact that last night I shed my first tears on the mat….”

Kessigner led class and after warmups (which were espcially difficult in light of the heat) we drilled takedowns.  First we went over the single and double leg and then we tried a few other variations including something called the wizard ( i don’t remember which it was). The first variation involves going for the single leg but instead grabbing the opponent’s back and using the other arm to lift the leg..it almost looks like you’re tilting the person like a teapot.  You can finish this takedown by tilting and doing an ankle pick. Here’s a pic of Kessinger performing it on Scott.

For the second takedown I wish i had asked for the name of it,  because this is going to be a rough description.  Ideally you want to get to your opponent’s side with a underhook, grab their opposing wrist for control then shoot your adjacent leg between theirs and topple them over…or if that doesn’t work, after you shoot your leg through you can finish with an ankle pick (which is what I had to do). Here’s a pic of Soulath practicing it on Karate Dave. 

We did some live takedowns and It was great watching some of the guys that have only been there for a few months takedown a few of the blue belts.  Takedowns were slippery as ever and by they time we were through I was itching to roll.  First roll was with Shannon and i need to seriously work on breaking guard.  I used to be pretty good at it but I’ve since lost my edge.  She helped point out that I’m posturing up but not controlling her hips so she kimura sweeps me every time…no literally everytime lol.  I think after she sweeps  me 50 more times it’ll click and I’ll have that epic moment where I go “Oh yea control the hips” lol.  Anywho she let me work and as always I’m grateful.  I’ve noticed that she makes me work more than just about anyone else so I’m either completely exhausted or pumped up and ready to go after rolling with her.  I don’t know if I mentioned it here yet but she’s getting promoted to blue pretty soon (yay shannon). 

me rolling with the guy shortly before the shout that was heard around the world---Photo by: Jessica Seifert

My second roll happened to also be my last roll, well kinda.  I rolled with a guy who drills well, has good intentions, & is a really nice kid at heart, but he was way TOO ROUGH AND ALMOST KILLED ME. Okay I’m being dramatic. He didn’t almost kill me.  When we rolled and he seemed insistent on forcing a rear naked and I was able to fight it off for a bit (luckily I have some guns of my own), turtle up, roll and reach a different position.  Then he went for the most forced armbar I’ve ever encountered.  There was no technique just pure steroid like strength. *Big Sigh* To make a long story short instead of ripping my arm off like he intended he did a weird roll like thingy when i went to defend and somehow my head & neck got caught up in the mix.  One word, PANIC. I’ve gotten upset a time or two after a roll but never this upset.  

I can only describe the panic as an overwhelming sense that my head/neck or something was about to pop due to his weight being shifted directly on top of it, it was scary to say the least.  I’ve been put in all kinds of jacked up positions but never anything like this.  Anywho this moment of panic, pain, and pure anger was followed by me unable to tap then yelling..or shouting rather at the top of my lungs “STOP STOP…GOD D*****….”, it wasn’t pretty.  I think I even shoved the guy off of me once I was able to get my limbs back.  I’ve read a lot of blogs and I can finally relate to the fact that last night I shed my first tears on the mat. 

Almost immediately after I shouted the room grew silent.  I sat there still and stirring with anger. I tried to gather myself together before having to turn and face the guys.  The pain, embarrassment, panic, and anger were still written all over my face.  I got up, tried to grasp together what pride or strength I had left in me and walked out.  

Me & Soulath during livetakedowns..he's such a goof ball

The tears came as I sat there on the stone ledge outside the building.  Stone-still and numb, I replayed the last 45 seconds in my head over and over.  All the while all that was going through my mind was ‘I wish I was strong like the guys…I wish I could mask my emotions like the guys..I wish that when I got hurt it wasn’t the last thing everyone remembered me by…I wish none of this bothered me as much as it did…’ and most importantly I wish it hadn’t happened.  I’m not mad at him in any way I know he didn’t mean it.  Apart from the initial fear I’m embarrassed that I reacted the way I did but it just happened. 

I gathered myself outside, gave everyone the thumbs up, and walked back in.  I went straight to the guy, shook his hand, and told him that I know he didn’t mean to hurt me the way he did.  I only hope that he realizes that level of roughness should not be used upon his male or female training partners.  After I tried to write off what had happened I stayed strong and went and rolled slow with shannon.  I’m sure she could tell I wasn’t altogether but I think she understood that rolling was the closest I’d get to forgetting about what had just happened.

..Overall I learned a lot from last night’s class and I look forward to the next.

4 Responses to ““There will be no crying on the mat…””
  1. leslie says:

    I’ve been there, too. I find that I always immediately feel as if I overreacted when a verbal tap gets wrenched out of me like that. The volume and words always seems to be overblown in relation to what happened, and then I’m horribly embarrassed. And if one of the instructors runs over to check on me, then I feel even worse, as if I’m some drama queen or damsel in distress and can’t take care of myself. I want to take care of myself, darn it.

  2. shakiaharris says:

    thank you!! that is exactly how i feel!! It’s worse because my boyfriend also trains with me and I hate the fact that whenever something happens he’s ‘obligated’ in a sense to get up and ‘tend to me,’ i hate that it’s like that but one day when all of my steroids kickin and i grow my penis this won’t be a problem 😉 lol

  3. SavageKitsune says:

    I’m so sorry to hear you had one of THOSE days on the mat! Making yourself walk back in after an episode like that is one of the hardest things in jiu jitsu….. I’ll take a bloody nose instead, any day.

    But I hope it’s not too horribly insensitive of me to say WOWZA, that is one stunning action shot of you bridging. I can’t help appreciating the artistic beauty and power of BJJ in that photo, context notwithstanding.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: