One bad seed can ruin it for all of us

I’ve yet to see anyone touch upon this topic yet so I figured I’d go ahead and break the ice. One task that I did not expect to take on was having to distinguish myself from the girls that are there to seriously train and those that train  (or rather show up) with flirtatious intent.

For every serious female that comes into any gym, there may be X amount of girls before her that have ruined her chances of being seen objectively (or they could just be backwater male-chauvinist stuck in their ways, take your pick lol).


undistorted by emotion or personal bias

How many of you have experienced this little scenario, Before you can even get your foot in the door, some of the guys already have their mind made up, “She’ll be done my thursday, ” or “I wonder which guy she’s messing with,” or my personal favorite, “She’s gonna cause drama just like the last one.”  Now I can maintain a certain degree of impartiality in the matter and with that being said there are instances where the numbers don’t lie.  The ratio of women the show up to women that stay and train regularly is tough pill to swallow, so that does explain why you may not be instantly viewed as a permanent fixture in the gym.  But in regards to the topic at hand keep in mind that your own actions speak louder than words.

Some of the better ways to earn and maintain the respect of your training peers, as a woman, or just in general:

  • Train serious. Don’t giggle every five minutes. We all get close and crack jokes from time to time but if you’re off to the side giggling DURING instruction, that is oh so disrespectful and believe me when I say, we notice.  Lets be honest, nobody takes the giggly-flirt seriously, nobody. And why should they?
  • If one of your intentions is to find a man, well good for you but be ready for the backlash of dating/being involved with multiple guys at the gym. Hey i met the guy I’m seriously dating through training, but it was something that just happened, and we barely even talk or partner up in class. I’m not saying it’s right for them to judge & I know it’s a double-standard but be ready.
  • Don’t come to class under the influence.  If you can manage, than by all means, but like I said many will take that as a sign of disrespect.
  • Be classy, not trashy.  You don’t have to be obscene to fit in with the guys.  If you try too hard, they’ll notice, just worry about you and the rest will follow.
  • Carry yourself in a respectful manner inside as well as outside the gym. Everyone likes to let loose now and then, but you don’t want to be known as that girl that always causes a scene, or get so belligerent that every time you ask someone to roll their doing 10-second replays of your latest TMZ worthy performance.
  • Don’t do things with flirtatious intent. You know what I mean.  Wear booty shorts because they fit and allow for a wider range of motion, not because you’ve got your eye on the blue belt across the room and you’re for sure that’ll be the way to get him to ‘care about you’.
  • Don’t be a distraction.  It is expected that you will be, prove them wrong and progress to the point to where you’re seen as “dangerous” 🙂 lol.
  • Be yourself.

It’s frustrating to hear that a gym you’re interested in attending isn’t fond of women training because the last one that did caused a heap of trouble due to romantic encounters.

Everyone trains for their own reasons. In gyms nationwide i’m sure there are quite a few instances where women show up to find a man, so they wear the skimpier versions of athletic clothing (not that my yoga shorts are all that appropriate outside the gym), with full faces of caked on makeup, their boobs pushed up high, hoping to snag Mr. Right.  I’m not saying in anyways that these women should be put on trial, by all means do what works for you, however these instances cast a not so wonderful shadow upon people like me. Some of the guys are probably thinking what’s wrong with that??? That’s where you make the distinction between being a serious member of the team, and a joke.

I’ve had many deep discussions with some of the guys about these types of issues and one of the things I’ve repeatedly lately is their surprise at the fact that I had kept up with the training (the numbers aren’t good for girls to return), and their respect for me being serious and classy inside and outside of the gym. Granted I’m not some psycho general in class, depending on who it’s with I can be a goofball during rolls.  I’ve shown up to class, with my yoga shorts, not because I want all eyes on me, I’m the new girl I want to be as invisible as possible.  But they’re comfy and allow me to do what I need to, plus I got the legs for them.

I feel like one of the major ways to gain respect from your training partners is to simply respect yourself.  Train hard, be yourself, and don’t focus too much on “winning everyone over”.  There are those you will click with, and there will be those that their meer presence is enough to make you nauseous.

If you’re one to argue, ‘well I’m grown and can do whatever I want’, you’re absolutely right it’s a free country, but exercise caution and remember to respect yourself and have some dignity in all of your actions.




This was not written with malicious intent. If you’re reading this and you find that it’s incredibly accurate to what you’re seeing in your own gym day by day, please know that I’m in no way calling anyone out in this one. I’m simply calling it like I see it.

3 Responses to “One bad seed can ruin it for all of us”
  1. The giggling drives me crazy, but something that I have become aware of is that a lot of women giggle when they are nervous. So the gigglers may not always deserve to be instantly tagged as “one of THOSE,” they may actually be uncomfortable and self-conscious and freaking out a little.

  2. shakiaharris says:

    oh no thats why i metioned that i crack jokes from time to time as well, like when you”re having awkward moments in north south, im referring to those that pair up and giggle together, thats distracting.

  3. Megan says:

    Great post…brought up a couple points I’d never thought about…specifically coming to the gym under the influence. Never knew this was an issue with women.

    I’ve been lucky since there are serious, high ranked, competing and professional female fighters at my gym, so the idea of a woman seriously training isn’t completely foreign. Thinking back though, I do think I was viewed as being on the hunt when I first got there. A year in, and I’m pretty much done “proving myself” and have found the guys I work well with.

    Lately, I’ve been wondering how best to handle women that are there for non-training reasons…anything from man-hunting to man-hating to wanting to keep a close eye on the husband…I’ve wanted to dissociate myself from any woman (or guy for that matter) that’s not there to seriously learn, but I think it comes off as catty and may be discouraging to other potential women training.

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