Woke up yesterday with pure determination on my mind.  Had a downright awful day at work the night before, decided to do some yoga before going in for another shift and it helped to clear my mind. I had been at a crossroads for whether or not I should fight but had decided that with my heart and if I train hard I can do it.  Went to work, I even met up with Karate before the kids’s class to work with him and he did some things to get a feel for where my striking is…Let’s just say the night didn’t end as strong as it had started.

Me & some of the other girls that have been training lately, gotta get that smile back & onto the mats

Tonight, Gi Night.  I’ve been having a good run as far as the gi is concerned and as of lately I’ve been somewhat confident in the fact that I have been improving.  However, the open mat suggested otherwise.  We rarely substitute technique for an open mat style class so thursday was a treat.  I do however wish that I had done half as well as I’ve been doing when josh isn’t there because I honestly feel like whenever i’m in a slump, and am sucking to the point of no return he’s there to capture it.  He’s my teacher, I would love for him to see me on a good day. On a day where my mind doesn’t go completely blank and I remember how to sweep, not just from the bottom, or to the back, but in general.  Last night I had one of those nights where I knew nothing, felt nothing, and got absolutely nowhere.  Wendell was very gracious in helping me and giving me pointers, but of course I was too hung up on all that i didn’t remember to focus on the new helpful things that I need to keep in mind.  Overall my performance = Poop.

Nights like that make me wonder what on god’s earth was I smoking when I thought that I, the girl that 12 hours ago couldn’t even escape insert unfortunate position here, what would make her think she has a chance in hell of doing well in that grappling tournament, let alone a fight, her first fight, in front of everyone.  Yeah, I don’t know whose stuff I was smoking, or maybe it was the tylenol p.m. speaking.  Either way, I’m trying to remain somewhat objective and push throught he slump.  One of the things I struggle with, and you may realize it more and more as you read through more of my blogs, but I go through many highs and lows, unfortunately for me they are somewhat extreme and happen often.  Hopefully in a few days I won’t feel like poop, train like poop, or fight like poop.


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