Day 6: Disbelief


i framed the african dress he brought me back from Uganda

 

I think this is the part of the process called denial. It’s weird, i know that he is dead but I don’t feel it. I’m having a hard time understand what Garics being dead means. Is that strange?? The past 6 days have been excruciating but for some reason I feel like he is not gone, like he’s still here.  I’m pretty certain that i’m probably guaranteed to go to hell for all the damning, swearing, bargaining, and flat out blaming I did the past couple days. I could probably save 100 orphans and put them through college and i’m still going to hell (if there is one). But i’m not going to start that argument because I”m all over the place as far as what I believe, what i’m unsure, and don’t want a religious debate here.

Anywho, Garic’s funeral was yesterday :(.  I should’ve sold plasma to get there.  Part of me wishes that if I had been there, seen  the body, the casket, then I wouldn’t have these lingering feelings that all of this is a dream, a bad joke of sorts.  I’m numb, depressed, and in a constant state of disbelief.  I spent the entirety of my night reminiscing, worrying, and crying. I managed to get to bed around 4a.m. only to get up an hour and a half later as I had to report to work at 6 a.m.  I was accurately referred to today as eeyore. But there’s no cherring up for me at the moment.  We have bjj class tonight and it’s the last place i want to be.  But I should probably go just to be around people.

 

 I’ve found that my grief has taken many forms and I’m grieving for so many reasons. First it was for all the memories we shared together both good and bad, now it’s for all teh lives he’s touched. His family and friends that will never see him again.  Often I grow angry when I think about all he had accomplishe by 24 and all that he wanted to do. It just all seems so unfair.

I’ve found a few articles related to Garic’s accident.  I’ve gotten 500 views solely related to him so in case everyone’s having a hard time rounding up information about our dear friend here you go…. 

I hope this is able to help a few people. If you knew him please feel free to say whatever memories you may have of him.  Oh and here’s one from one of my favorite nights with him…

and one for the good times..i miss you babe

 

Advertisements
Comments
One Response to “Day 6: Disbelief”
  1. jccarrottop says:

    Hang in there darlin…. although he’s not here physically, he’s with each and everyone of us spiritually. No joke, I think he’s hiding my favorite pair of blue jeans from me. Can’t find them anywhere!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: